Most of the fights lack tension for the simple fact that the Gundams are totally invincible. The bitterest blow, however, is the lack of engaging action to compensate for the abysmal narrative. But how curious that the pacifists always turn out to be the victims who are foiled at every turn by cunning warmongers and – here comes the ironic part – need to be saved by trigger-happy boy soldiers.

Relena Peacecraft, a paragon of passivity, is glorified as a righteous young woman with messianic ideas about international relations at the same time, the people of the world are all simple folk with a wholehearted desire for peace and everyone’s constantly blathering on about how great life would be without conflict.

Underscoring all this stupidity in bold red lines is the inherent contradiction of Wing’s pacifist theme. Zechs and the Gundam pilots are making an effort to construct a new future as we speak. Treize: Lady Une, I’m not as strong as you think I am. Your future is destined to be right here in outer space. Lady Une: Your future’s already been determined. I have no interest in an individual’s future. History is an accumulation of daily events. Treize: My ideal is nothing more than the fantasy of a single individual. In between, there will be entire conversations consisting of nothing but impenetrable philosophies, such as the following exchange: The good guys then add their chant of ‘We don’t wanna fight!’ whilst doing their best Rambo-in-space impression. Bad guys will sermonise about creating a new world order and grabbing the future of humanity without ever explaining why. Startlingly, everything that follows turns out to be utter garbage.

In fact, the military-political intrigue within the first few episodes is inspired, as a harrowing twist kick-starts the story. The series begins with the nervous simmering excitement expected of a grand political mecha show. This, in a nutshell, is what it’s like to watch Gundam Wing. The beer is getting warm, the flies have claimed your beef sandwich, and your afternoon is unmistakably ruined. Wistfully, you think aloud, ‘What would be the best way to eradicate war?' Friend One, a keen dabbler in philosophy, offers her expert opinion, ‘Total pacifism,’ at which Friend Two, who has just returned from a six-month tour of Afghanistan, scoffs, ‘Impossible!’ Thus begins a long theoretical battle for THE TRUTH by way of fuzzy terminology and inconsistent definitions – in fact, their argument is so fraught with pompous bullshit that you wish you’d just kept your mouth shut. StoryImagine, if you will, sitting in the park for luncheon with two best friends.

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